Monday, September 13, 2010

September 11; Oh so many emotions, so many representations...

Last week I started my weekly challenge. It was no different from any other, it has a theme, it includes yellow... (those that know me will chuckle.) I pulled out papers, I started sorting thru pictures. I FOUND the perfect pictures, right off the top. It was a creative frenzy, the layout just flowed and at 12:30something am Saturday, September 11th, I stopped.
  September 11th..  Saturday was a very full day, not so much personally for me, but for everyone I think.  September 11th always and foremost in my mind will represent life.  The birth of my brother Aaron, the baby brother I wanted to trade for another pet. (We already had a dog and a no go on that wish)  Ours was not the perfect brother/sister relationship, hell we were two kids that argued and fought quit a bit.  But all in all, Aaron was a good brother too.  He had a heart of gold, smart as a whip, & cute as a button.  Did I tell him?  Good God no, who admits these things to siblings during adolescence?  We share when become adults, parents, Aunts, Uncles..... Oh yeah, we didn't get to do that.  Life, God, Karma...had different plans.  Twenty years ago, in June 1990...Aaron's world came to a sudden stop.  My life and the life of my parents fell into a chaotic free fall of emotions and pain.   In twenty years, I've learned much from my brothers death.  Some that took me years to realize, others in a split second. 
On September 11, Aaron would have been 38.  On September 11, his class celebrated their 20 year class reunion.  On September 11, Dave's uncle celebrated his birthday.  On September 11, 2001 the world came crashing down.... Nine years ago.  It doesn't seem terribly long ago, but seems ages ago.  We have soldiers over seas fighting for something that, for some, barely remember if they're 19 this year.  Nine years...loved ones lost, parents, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles..growing up without.  Nine years trying to heal, but wounds opened with new current events.  Nine years of  the realization hitting; they're not coming back.
Today, I read a face-book entry of a friend.  She just had one of those moments when she realizes her beloved father isn't coming back.  She'll never see him again.  Yeah, I'm familiar with those moments.  Have had them for twenty years.  It stops you cold, mid breathe, frozen in time.  At first it left me sad and full of despair.  But then I looked at from another view... I started talking to Aaron when those moment hit me.  In the car, doing dishes, in the shower... didn't matter where; I just talked.  About what ever, life, the kids... After reading fb friends entry I realize that I've had "that moment" every single year on the exact same date.  I kept a journal for a couple of years after Aaron died... I checked... I wrote about the "kick in the gut" feeling.   I may have to redefine that "He's not coming back" thought... because it seems...He does.

1 comment:

Just us three said...

i am always caught off gaurd when you are learning about people that we all have one thing in common: personal pain...hugs your way because your not alone!

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