Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Right, true to thine self..

Had an interesting phone call today. Pearls of wisdom were offered, "Shaunery, sometimes it's okay to admit being wrong, when you're not. For the sake of serenity, peace and friendship. So, Shaunery, be a bigger person and admit you're wrong and move on...."

I struggle with this, because the same person once also told me, "Just be yourself and if folks don't like it...screw them." For a long time in my early life, I was a pleaser. I didn't hold an opinion, spoke without thinking, I smiled and agreed with everyone else. I even tried to be someone I couldn't be and was very unhappy in the process of doing so. I was surround by friends and to this day, I've zero contact with these said friends since I started changing to find my true self, my center and my comfort zone. Am I lost without those people, no. I found and made new friends, who accepted me with all my imperfections, chips and cracks. Friends who valued my honesty, loyalty, diplomacy, they respected my opinion, even when they didn't share it. Friends in the truest sense.

But I'm standing at a cross road in my life. Where me, my values, my "definition" of me are not so accepted. Where if I would instead take on a new persona, change my thinking and in short roll over, I might be accepted again. For if I "admit I'm wrong" as suggested, posts like this will cease, conversations will be shallow and lame. Because discussing anything with heart or passion, could offend and ruffle feathers. In short, I would have begun being something I'm not and completely miserable in doing so. I've always enjoyed the diversity of the women I associate with. While our opinion may not be the same, it's OKAY and I respect that they have an opinion or line of thinking..the women I associate have brains and independent thought. While our opinions may not be the same, we've never bashed one another, or told the other their thoughts are not worthy or wrong. We could hold healthy adult conversations of debate, these weren't high school conversations, where if you didn't agree or didn't "get" where the person was coming from, the group dis banned you.

To me, "admitting I'm wrong" feels like, I'm above my friends, insinuating that I'm smarter, more knowledgeable, more sensible, I'm above emotion, I'm above independent thinking, that I have to out smart them to make them feel their actions are acceptable. When in reality, I'm not. I am not perfect, not without error, not without regret, not without emotions, I am flawed and imperfect and much to learn in life. I am passionate, hold strong convictions, respect other opinions even if I disagree, do not go about trying to hurt feelings on purpose, I do not pretend to know what another individual is thinking or feeling, I am not a mind reader.

If you don't' like this post, I don't recommend responding to it. Besides, if I've wronged you and you're angry with me, you shouldn't be here in the first place. Remember, I'm being ignored and I'm invisible.


Vanessa said...

I think you should be able to voice your oppinion and continue to have friends. If they are true friends they will love you even if they do not agree with you. This is America and we all have that right. So I say keep being your self that is one thing I love about you. Wish we had the time to talk and spend more time together. I miss you and love seeing Sarah. She makes me smile. KEEP BEING YOU!!!!

Susan said...

I love you!!!! And the one thing I loved about you from the moment I met you was your ability to be YOURSELF!!!! Thank you for never straying from that. True you and respect you for YOU.....not what you should be to pacify everyone else! Hang tight to your beliefs....they've taken you this far and will continue to take you through your journey of life! Love you!!!!


karla said...

Wow...Shaunery, it's times like this that I wish so bad that the miles weren't so far between us...I wish I could just walk across the street, plop down on the couch and just have one of our good old heart to hearts! :) If there's one thing that being a military wife taught me was that this big old world is made up of a whole lot of different people...some we like, some not so much...and many we just tolerate. :) But you, my dear friend are one of the few that will always hold a most special place in my heart...we're different but yet the same...we know and appreciate what's really important. You are a true friend and I love you for YOU and everything that makes you who YOU are. And YES you are me anyway. :)
love you!!! Karla

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