Thursday, August 12, 2010


Dear Incredible Girl,

Forgiveness is a hard one. What is it about forgiveness that is
so difficult, even when holding a grudge, or holding on to hurt,
or holding yucky old memories makes us feel so rotten. What is it
that makes it so hard to let go?

Forgiving someone does not mean that you have to have them in your life.
Forgiving is not "giving up" or "giving in", forgiveness does not mean
that you are saying that an injustice has not been done, or that you
agree with what happened. Forgiveness is a magic little decision that
you make to free YOURSELF.

Bad feelings, horrid memories and grudges are little daggers that carve away
at your soul day after day. Those daggers come with handcuffs and chains and
one of those big metal balls latched to your ankle. Who wants to live like
that? Who CAN live life like that without it completely holding us back from
everything that is meant for us ?

You are worth EVERYTHING it will take to forgive someone. YOU are worth it. YOUR
LIFE is worth it. Give yourself a deadline to let it go...then scream at the top
of your lungs, write down everything that bothers you, get ALL of it out...then
when the deadline is up...let it go...forgive.....

It's time to move forward, sweet friend. You can't move forward when you are
chained to all of that yucky stuff.

YOU CAN DO THIS. You can fully forgive. You can.

This is not as easy as it sounds...although I totally see the importance of doing so.  It's just so hard seeing or hearing the people who made me feel so miserable, laugh and carry on without me.  It only tells me that I meant so little to YOU in our relationship.  Actions only proved that our friendship wasn't worth fighting for or standing up for.   It hurt that I was accused of being unsupported, it hurt that a friendship meant so little that ultimatums were thrown down, I had the "definition" of friendship thrown in my face, yet never saw others practice what they preached.  One dare mentioned "All the things we've done for YOU"... Really?  I did nothing for YOU?  All the unfinished projects, crazy craft deadlines, babysitting, emotional support....those little things didn't mean anything or add up to anything?  Some say they won't chose sides, yet they did... I've been lectured on "Fences" and staying on the right side of them.  Then later criticized for staying on my side of the fence too much.   
I've removed myself from social events, so I don't create tension or awkwardness at said event for the other guests.  
When accused and attacked in sneaky underhanded ways I reacted.  Probably poorly.  I should have slowed down.  I shouldn't have allowed myself to be goaded and baited.  Friends SPEAK to one another and discuss things... that never happened.  
Yet, I should forgive.  I can forgive the actions and thoughtlessness of these women.  I can forgive the pain they caused me.  I can forgive the relationships lost due to them.   I'll forgive, because I've also learn much from the experience.  I'll never trust so quickly or so deeply.  I'll never volunteer so much to be taken advantage of.  I'll work harder on the existing friendships I have and value them all that much more.  I'll focus on my family and their needs.  
I FORGIVE and release you ladies.   I have feelings too, and by releasing you; you can't hurt me anymore.  You've unknowingly made me a better person.  You made me a better friend.  You made me a better woman...  
You are forgiven...but I will not give you still need to be responsible for your actions, past, present and future.  You'll have to learn for yourself.  However, I doubt you're capable of such feats.  
I'm really moving forward now.... :) 

1 comment:

Stephanie said...

Bravo! I commend you for your courage and you ARE the bigger person! I have seen the pain, and hurt for you. I am always here for you, through thick and thin. I believe also that THEY are INCAPABLE of moving forward as their High nay Jr. high antics still play on. They can't move forward because they can't grow up. The gifts I see in you my dearest friend are courage, wisdom, selflessness, kindness, generosity. You my friend are a true friend and I am humbled and blessed to have you in my life.!

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