Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Emotionally Bankrupt....

Where on earth do I begin? First of all I must say, I HATE disagreeing or arguing with a friend. It shreds my insides, it elevates my blood pressure and it just distresses me. Fortunately, I beleive my friendship is strong and intact. *hugs*
Secondly, I hate seeing my friends hurt, suffer or in distress and today I have several in this situation..At the top of the pyramid is new friend Jeanne. She and her family sorely need our thoughts and prayers. Her dear mother is currently on lifesupport; Jeanne and her family will be having to make some very difficult choices in the immediate future. While I have not been her exact position, our experiences are parallel, so I'm able to empathize with her and her siblings. How do you make a friends pain disappear? How do you ease the mental suffering and the heartache?
After Jeanne, are two good dear friends, Becky and Stephanie. They are a step closer to Jeanne in relationships and friendships. However, seeing Becky share Jeanne's pain and anguish is heart wretching. And Stephanies saddness is so deep. Again, how do you make the ache go away?
Lastly, me and my family.... It dawned on me as I'm hearing this news, that my own brother's death happened this same time many years ago... It's been 17 years and I'll admitt time heals certain things but heartache only dulls. At the time of Aaron's death, I saw absolutely nothing positive or good in it. I was very angry with him, myself and with God. I felt God had utterly failed us. Sentiments, like "He's with God" or "God had greater plans for him", did nothing to ease my pain. It took me a year for the greater wound to start healing..but every year I learn something new from Aaron's death. Hmmm, was that part of "Gods greater plans.."?? I don't know. Maybe I've matured some, maybe I'm learning something, each year I heal a little more...I don't quit missing him....But it's the end of day. And it WAS a VERY GOOD day, (I'll share that later). But, I'm emotionally drained, empty and sad.
To my friends...you will survive this, no you won't like it for a while. I'm here if there is ANYTHING I can do for you. And I won't feed you "hallmark sentiments", but I will say... Love is VERY strong, spirit is very strong, will is very strong and you will get thru this. You have my love, I'll share my spirit and will with you. Good Night

4 comments:

Becky B. said...

You expressed yourself very well. Thank you.

Jenn said...

Glad I read yours last because I'm now emotionally drained and in need of Kleenex. I know exactly how you feel because seeing you guys hurt for Jeanne and you remembering your loss hurts and leaves me feeling so helpless. And then with today's excitement, let me just say, I'm here. To listen, to hug, to babysit, whatever you need, just let me know. XOXOXO

Susan said...

Hang in there Shaunery! I, too, understand your pain and loss. There are days that I honestly wonder how people cope....because I don't!

Just know we love you and we are here for you.....anytime.

OH....why was it a VERY GOOD DAY???? Fill me in!

JEANNE LOBSINGER said...

Oh Shaunery, what would I do without you good friends. You have certainly filled my heart with hope. I thank you all for the gift of friendship and love, not to mention all the great food that has been delivered to our home. The emotions are going up and down and to read your blog makes me feel so good. Thank you and I love you.

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